But, I DO Mind Waiting…

“How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?”  ~Habakkuk 1:2

Recently I’ve come across a song that’s really been ministering to me, but, also challenging me. The song by William McDowell, “I Don’t Mind Waiting” is a beautiful song of declaration and simultaneously a cry of desperation. The lyrics declare, “I don’t mind waiting, I don’t mind waiting on You,” and they continue, “Lord, I need you. Yes I need you. Jesus, Jesus.” Finally, the song rises, literally, to an impassioned crescendo as the singers cry out, “I am desperate. I am desperate for You.” The song can be found here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doN0Ik93yPE) and I encourage you to listen while you read the rest of this post.

While I find myself easily falling into cadence declaring, “I don’t mind waiting…” it strikes me today that, if I were to tell the truth, sometimes I DO mind waiting. Sometimes, like Habakkuk in the Old Testament, I find myself questioning, “God, how long? How long must I wait for what you promised?” And while I know that reeks of impatience and spoiled-brattyness, this is my truth. Some days, I am completely fine and content and I can truthfully declare that I don’t mind waiting on the Lord; but more often than ever before, I find myself asking God “when?” And, to be fair, I’d agree that my queries are impatient and childish… except, they’re not. Indeed, if I had been waiting for days or weeks or even months, perhaps I’d agree that I’m just being spoiled and  I need to “get it together.” But, after years of hearing God’s promises toward me and hearing Him tell me to just keep holding on and to just keep trusting Him and still not being released to fully walk in those promises… After years of hearing God say, “not yet.”… After years of “I see you. I see your faithfulness.”… After years of, “You’re almost there. Just hold on a little while longer.”… After years of that and still no breakthrough, it’s become that much harder to believe that it will ever come. Don’t get me wrong, God has been faithful all of these years and there have been some “small” blessings along the way but the breakthrough hasn’t come yet. The truth is, after years of waiting, I find myself saying, “God, sometimes… some days, I DO mind waiting because it feels like I’ve been waiting forever.”

The problem is, now God is making it abundantly clear that THIS is the season in which He will open those doors He’s been speaking of and pouring out the blessings and opportunities He’s been telling me about. He’s no longer telling me that the time will come soon; He’s saying that NOW is the season of “a new thing” that He speaks about in Isaiah 43:19 and… I’m afraid to believe it’s all going to happen. Yes, I’m a worship leader and I love God and I believe His Word is true; but, everyday I still have to fight the lie from the enemy that God’s Word is true for everyone except me. My life has already been filled with such pain and rejection and abuse and disappointment that it’s hard for me to believe faith over experience.

My experience has been that when I get my hopes up, I almost always end up disappointed. My experience has been that the “good things” don’t really happen to me. My experience has been that when I trust, I end up betrayed and hurt. My experience has been that I don’t generally get the things I want, I have to stand by and watch everyone else get the things I’ve prayed for. That’s what experience tells me to expect in this season: more of what I’ve had before. But faith is saying that if I would learn to hope in God and not for things, He’ll never disappoint me. Faith is saying that God’s Word is true and His Word says that His plan for me is to prosper me and not to harm me. Faith says that I can trust God because He’s proven Himself to be faithful. Faith says that I can believe God when He says He is doing a new thing in this season. Faith says that God is now opening the windows of Heaven and pouring out the overflowing blessings in this season and I need to be ready to receive them. But, no matter how compelling an argument faith presents, experience is always there in the back of my mind nagging me about what’s happened before and what’s always been. And while I’m still WAITING, on the cusp of what God has promised- closer now than ever before- faith and experience are battling; and I will continue to sing that, “I don’t mind waiting. I don’t mind waiting on You,” until those words are true in my heart and faith has triumphed over experience.

Prayer to Pray: Dear God,

     Today is one of those days when I find it hard to believe that you are working in my favor in all of this waiting. Today, is one of those days when I’m tired of waiting… But, I KNOW that you are faithful; not because others have said it and not because it’s the “holy” thing to say, but the fact that I am still alive and able to read this prayer is proof that you are faithful. The fact that you have not cut me off and given up on me if proof that you are faithful. So, although I may not be feeling this waiting period, I know that it is for my good. And, despite what my past experiences are telling me, I choose to trust that Your Word is true. I choose to believe that you are working all things for my good. I choose to believe that your plans for me are to prosper me and not to harm me. And I choose to believe that everyday that you wake me up is a day in which you are working your plan for me. So, today I say out loud that I don’t mind waiting on you. I say those words in faith even if I’m struggling to really mean them right now. I choose to make that faith declaration, “I don’t mind waiting on you.” I pray that you would meet me in the wait today and I thank you that whatever I ask in your name you will do (John 14:14). Indeed, I can count it already done. So, I ask this in Jesus’ name, Amen!

Bless God & God Bless,

THE Writer’s Pen, Angel

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